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If you have an e-mail
account chances are you've seen those e-mails for some
ways to give you a big wang and have great sex. Well
fuck em, I'm here to give you something that's free
and easy to use: tips on how to get better sex. So where
did I come up with this idea? What's it matter, that's
none of your business. Just read this free list.
1. Whack it before-hand.
Think about this: do athletes go into a game without
warming up? No, so why would you not warm yourself up
before? I don't think anything will make you go for
longer than smacking the monkey before getting it on.
It's kind of like priming the penis if you would. That
way you can go in there ready for a fight. Believe me,
this will really please your fat ass girlfriend more
than a 12 pack of HO HOs.
2. Think about other stuff.
Many people overcome fear by thinking about things that
are cool and stuff like that. For example, whenever
people come charging at gay prider fags with stones
they tend to think about puppies, rainbows, flowers,
and shit like that.(This information was taken from
the official biography of Clay Aiken.) "Whenever
I was pelted with rocks when I accidentally went to
Ozzfest I thought about anal sex to forget about the
pain I was in."
Ew, anyway if you're doing it and you think about having
a hot woman in front of you than you'll be out quicker
than shit after eating Mexican food. What you have to
do is think about one of the following: sports, computers,
the Epic Zone, Oprah, Clay Aiken getting fucked in the
ass by OJ Simpson, or you could look at the fat girl
you're having sex with.
3. Look at Rosie O Donnell before sex.
It's been proven by science that viewing Rosie O Donnell
before having sex can reduce the male bodies ability
to climax by 75% or more. Here, just check out this
simple chart:
As you can see, the patients that didn't look at Rosie
first lasted for a much shorter period of time compared
to the ones that saw her ugly face before. Just a word
of warning: Doing so could possibly produce permanent
loss of erection so be careful when using this technique.
There's a list of things that could help you out. I
highly suggest trying the first two before resorting
to the third method. This is kind of a last resort in
case you've tried both other methods and still failed
to keep it under contrtol. I hope you found these tips
here useful to you. Now go out and bang your fat girlfriend.
I bet she notices the difference right away.
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