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There's a lot of stupid assed
speakers and such in my school that come and talk to us about sex and
saying no.Bullshit I say,they hand out papers with 50 ways to say no
to sex.Being the nice guy I am I came up with 1 way to get around each
of those sayings.Some of these were actually taken from the paper given.They're
fucking retarded.So without further bullshit...50 Ways to Say No to
Sex and 50 ways to get around them.
1."I just had my hair
done"-Giving me a blow job won't mess your hair up at all.
2."I don't feel good."-You
know they say eating penis helps with sickness.
3."I don't want to get
pregnant."-You can't get pregnant from a little anal.
4."Don't you respect me?"-I'll
do more than respect you if you'll spread em.
5."No."-Ok,you might
want to just punch her and rape for this one.
6."I want my first time
to be special."-We can break out the furry handcuffs if that'll
suit you.
7."I want to wait until
I'm married."-Good one,married couples don't fuck.
8."I'm not attracted to
you like that."-Would you like another beer?
9."I don't want an STD"-Trust
me,I don't have a green dick.
10."Go to hell"-I
will after I go to heaven,that is if you'll take me there.
11."I have to take a shower."-Awesome,you
know how to have fun.
12."My mother would kill
me."-Fine,I'll bang her too so she don't get jealous.
13."I have a boyfriend,he'll
be mad."-Your boyfriend is cheating on you.I know it hurts to hear,but
I can make it all better.
14."If you loved me you'd
wait until I was ready."-No,if you loved me you'd do anything for
me.
15."We can have fun without
having sex."-Yes,I could have fun without playing hockey,but that
don't stop me from playing it.
16."This isn't the right
place."-Ok,my house isn't far away.
17."I have things to do."-Yeah...I'm
waiting.
18."I have a headache."-I
have Advil.I'll be ready in about 20 minutes.
19."Isn't this a bad place
to do it?"-Now what's wrong with a little sex in the McDonalds
cooler now and then?
20."My car needs washed."-Oh
good,I've never had sex in an automatic car wash before.
21."I'd feel slutty"-So,you
probably should.
22."I'm tired."-Ok,get
a power nap and I'll watch TV till you get back.
23."I have to take my
clothes to the laundromat."Well aren't you going to need something
fun to do while they wash?
24."I'm meeting my friends
tonight for dinner.I have to go."-Hmm...are your friends attractive?
25."Sorry bye!*leaves*"-*Catches
with rope.*You know the drill.
26."Sorry I'm meeting
the Epic tonight."-Ok,there really is nothing that will keep a
woman from seeing me.
27."I would much rather
go out for dinner."-Ok,how about after that?
28."Can't we do something
else?"-Yes,but that's not the point.
29."My favorite TV show
is on."-You have Tivo bitch.
30."I'm hunrgy."-How
about eating a really big wiener?
31."I have too much respect
for myself to have sex at an early age."-I respect you enough to
want in your pants.That deserves something.
32."There's a good movie
playing tonight."-Yeah,a nice dark place.Sounds kinky.
33."No I hate you."-Well
you can hate me and punish my peter any day of the week.
34."I'm not in the mood."-Would
you like a beer?
35."Mommy,the strange
man is scaring me."-Listen I have Jolly Ranchers,just get in the
god damned van.
36."I'm late for work."-Well
since you're already in trouble you may as well have fun before you
get yelled at.
37."What do you think
I am,some cheap slut?"-Ok maybe 10 was a little low,how about 100?
38."I just took a shower."-But
I bet you didn't take a golden shower.
39."I appriciate dinner,but
that doesn't mean I'll have sex with you."-Waiter,seperate checks
please.
40."Hold on,I have a phone
call."-That's why they invented voicemail.
41."Aren't you the kid
that had his ass duct taped in the 11th grade?"-How'd you like
to be the girl that got her ass taped into by *insert full name here*?
42."I'm a nun."-(Ok,why
you'd hit on a nun evades me,but oh well.)
43."It's that time of
the month."-...god damn it.
44."I'm old enough to
be your grandmother."-But you're not my grandmother so it's all
good.
45."What if my daughter
walks in?"-I'm thinking we can keep this all in the family.
46."Those people will
be able to see us."-Oh,an audience.
47."I don't want you to
think I'm easy."-I don't care if you are,you're making my penis
hard.
48."Lets go golfing instead."-If
we get lost in the wood I'll let you wash my balls.(I can't turn down
a round of golf.)
49."All you men care about
is sex."-That's right,all of my caring is spent towards you.Don't
you love me?
50."I'm lesbien."-Turn
off the lights,there will be no difference between me and the strap
on.
There you are.50 ways you'll
be having sex in no time.These are not guarenteed to work,but how could
they not?I may come out with another one of these,I don't know yet.
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