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I thought I would bring you all a great list of things that you should
not give to anyone and something that,if you're given,should be burned
and given back to the owner along with a swift kick to the nuts for
being such an ass as to give a shit gift.
Lottery Ticket
This is pretty much what people think when they get a lottery ticket
for christmas..."Oh,thanks for the piece of paper with the christmas
images on it that has no value what so ever.I think I'm going to frame
this."Honestly,even if someone you give a ticket to wins you're
going to hate them for winning when you're the reason they did.That'd
be so damn great to end up with a bunch of money when the person never
intended it to be a winner.They'd take it themselves if they knew it
were a winner,leaving you with jack shit.Most of the times though these
are awful gifts as they're always losers.Either that or they're enough
so the person will be able to buy another ticket,highly likely it's
a loser,and give it to someone else as a gift.If anyone gives me something
like this I'm going to shit in a stocking,light it on fire,and set it
on the persons front porch because they're a retard for thinking this
is a good gift.
Food Packages
Those stupid things you find at Wal-Mart,they are usually filled with
two or three packages of soup or a load of Oreos and a few cups and
bowls with the brand name listed on them.This is a gift that some dumbass
finds when they go down the "I waited till the last minute and
need a shitty gift" aisle over at Wal-Mart.They get this and give
it to someone like it's some kind of special thing when in reality it's
a shit gift."Oh gee thanks,you bought me lunch for two days.Enjoy
the iPod I bought you...fuck head."The worst thing you can buy
someone is food,if I wanted food I'd go to Wal-Mart and eat some food
in the store without paying for it.That way everyone wins except Wal-Mart,but
fuck them those assholes.Anyone that is given this gift should be given
about 20 of them by all of their friends.That way they'd hate their
friends and would never buy those things again because they'd realize
that they're shit gifts and are only useful for giving to people like
your boss or teacher becaue they blow.
Underwear/Socks
Anyone that gives someone underwear or socks for christmas needs to
die.It doesn't matter if it's the Wal-Mart special or one of the best
things at Victorias secret.You look like a complete ass and a total
pervert at the end of it all.Please,I can't stand to see this kind of
shit.Anyone that is willing to give out socks as a gift needs to be
tied up with them to some kind of pole and smacked in the ass over and
over with a stick or something else that will keep them from ever handing
out a shitty gift again.
McDonalds Certificates
Please,if I wanted this for christmas I'd go find a dead animal and
eat it.That way it'd be free and would keep the local roads clean from
all of the shitty cats around here.Those bastards deserve to die,but
shouldn't go to waste.If you give out these you're almost forcing people
to go to this place and spend money which ends up increasing the spread
of communism.People don't want that so they need to stop giving out
these certificates to their so called friends.If you actually liked
the person you'd do something useful like run off of a fucking cliff.If
your friend gives you something like this I say you need to find a dead
cat and stuff it somewhere in his home where he'll have a hard time
finding it.I say he because guys are the only ones that would give this
out.Women have to buy all of the expensive shit because they're pains
in the asses.
Anything from Goodwill
How dare you buy something used you evil communist bitch!Anyone that
shops at this place must be sick in the head.Don't you realize that
you can't try to pass off something used as a gift.You need to go to
hell for even thinking about going there.That's sort of like giving
a gift over again only it's worse.I mean,you should be forced to wear
the stuff that people take their.I bet you'd hate having herpies wouldn't
you?Yeah,well don't force them on someone else.
Cheap Hookers
Please,like I said already,you don't want herpies so don't spread them
to your friends.You could at least go into your wallet a little deeper
for your friend and make sure you get one of the fancy ones.You know,the
kind that you can't find on a corner,but rather have to go through other
people to get them.They're the ones that should be safe.Be nice to your
friend,it's that time of year.Hell,maybe you'll get a little something
from this gift too so get a good one instead of your run of the mill
trash.
Cleaning Products
If a person stinks you don't have to be so obvious about it.I mean,if
someone smells bad then stay away from them,they're crap.Why be so rude
and give them something that says they stink?I know it's a way to help
them out,but if you think about it how would you feel if I gave you
a package of lice remover?Sure it'll help your problem from that guy
you met in Phoenix,but how would you feel if that was your gift?It'd
be rude wouldn't it? If a person that stinks continues to talk to you
and you're mad about it just punch them in the face.If they come back
than you should spray them with cleaning products,only not on them,but
in their eyes so they'll leave you the fuck alone.
There you have it,a list of things that you should hope not to recieve
and never give.Thanks for your time,now if I get any shit like this
over the holidays I'll own someone.
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