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As some of you may know from
reading previous articles, I am a fan of golf.
I enjoy going anytime the weather is nice in Pennsylvania and when I'm
not
doing anything else. In other words, I go about twice a year. Today
I had
the fortunate event of having an extra couple hours after a college
class so
instead of talking to all of the burnouts, idiots, smart asses, etc.
that go
to my school I decided on heading instead down to the local golf course.
Much to my dismay I found that it was women golfers day and they were
all
in groups of 4.This wasn't a real big deal at first until a group managed
to
get on the first tee right in front of me. I made a mistake to think
they
would let me go first, after all it's just me. Instead they jumped up,
not
really since they all have arthritis and shit, onto the tee and proceeded
to
hit their balls about 50 yards. About 2 hours later, and by 2 hours
later I
mean 2 hours later than what it usually takes me to golf alone, I finally
got finished. While I was waiting for all the old women to get the hell
out
of my way I used my time wisely and decided to make a list of reasons
why
women leagues piss me off.
1. Women golfers suck around
here. There is not one women golfer out there
that could beat me. They take about 6 shots just to hit the green while
I
get the damn thing in with only 4 total shots usually, that is unless
the
old ladies caused me to get pissed. In that case I would golf like a
piece
of crap aka Regis Philbin.
They have these stupid markers
showing off the
longest putts and such. So I walked up, made a putt way longer than
their
mediocre shot and proceeded to wipe my ass with the paper that had the
ladies name on it. (Ok so I didn't but you could imagine how awesome
it
would be.)
2. They are loud as hell. I
can't remember the last time I've heard so much
happy yelling about so many shitty putts. It's like they saw some old
naked
guy in the woods and are shouting. Earlier I thought one of them had
a heart
attack, but it turns out they were celebrating a shot that almost went
in. I
mean, why would you celebrate a shot that didn't even go in the damn
hole?
YAY! I MISSED THE PUTT HOW COOL! Sure some people might say it's supposed
to
be fun and I would agree that it is supposed to be fun. Like when Isink
a shot
and rub it in some old assholes face it makes everything worth the money
you
spent on all of your golf gear and greens fees combined, that's what
gives
me great joy.
3. They are the slowest people
on earth. I swear I have never in all my life
seen an old person drive, move, or show any signs of going fast. The
only
thing old people do fast is fall asleep when they are watching I Love
Lucy
and talking about the good old days. I know people say I should respect
my
elders, but after today I figure that no elders have respect from me.
They
made me wait on them because they were too impatient to wait for me
to
finish my hole. Hell if they would have let me go I probably would have
had
an extra hour in which I could use to write another crappy article about
how
certain things no one else cares about pisses me off.
I could list a few more things,
but these reasons should be good enough to
convince you that old people should not be on the golf course, or at
least
they should move when I am coming in to play because there's nothing
that
pisses me off more than ignorant people that don't realize they are
slow,
loud, suck, and should get out of the way and into the home they came
from.
On a side note I would like to ask, don't those Buick's go any faster
than
30MPH? Seriously.
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