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Although no one can really point to one thing and say "That's
the actual purpose for Halloween", it still is one of the greatest
holidays of the year. Not only is halloween a time when you're supposed
to eat lots of candy and scare kids, but it's also a great time for
you to go have parties and get wasted. At these parties many people
like to dress up like things they aren't and the women like to dress
like little sluts because they can get away with being the sexy little
mail lady. Either way here are some costume ideas that, if they ever
did come up, were probably rejected right away by the companies. So
I've made up this list of halloween costumes you will never see on the
K-Mart special aisle.
Homeless Person
Who would want to go around Halloween dressed as a bum? I could just
imagine this costume coming with a custom change cup and a special spray
that makes you smell like old rotten dog piss. They could call the spray
old rotten dog piss spray. Whoever would wear this costume could go
around begging for work, only to reject any job offers for the job of
being a worthless piece of shit. In a video we watched in school they
offered 12 homeless people $12 an hour to cut grass. Only one lazy mother
fucker showed. Homeless people are only that way because they are lazy,
I guess that's why no one wants a costume of one.
Guidance Counselor
What is more of a pointless job other than a Guidance Consoler? I can't
think of anything that is more pointless. When I was in high school
I would get called down to her office. Our conversation would go: "Just
wanted to see if everything was ok." "Yep? ok I guess I'll
see you in a few more months to ask you the same thing." I'm pretty
sure that no one would want to be this at a party. Slutty women would
probably think "Who would be the best person to have sex with?
The Guidance Consoler or that guy in the scream outfit. Yep, scream
outfit." Than you wouldn't get any action because you would be
dressed as a pointless person and the only thing pointless a slut wants
is a one night stand.
Janitor
I feel almost bad for most janitors. People usually mess with them
so bad, I would hate to be one. If you dressed as one at a halloween
party people would probably just throw all their shit down on the floor
figuring you would be the one to pick it up. The only cool thing there
is to being a janitor is riding on those floor waxing things. That has
to be pretty fun, especially when you wax the floor and watch the assholes
who mess with you fall down.
Hooker
If you went to a Halloween party dressed up as a hooker that probably
means you're a slutty woman. If you are a slutty woman and you went
dressed like that people would ask "Where's your costume?"
because chances are you dress like a hooker everyday. Although I'm sure
a hooker costume wouldn't be that bad of an idea. At least you would
know the difference between the easy ones and the nuns.
Lunch Lady
I think perhaps the shittiest job in the world has to be a lunch lady.
Lunch ladies have to serve those ungrateful bastards in school and than
they have to hear them whine and moan about the food all while getting
made fun of by the prick students. Don't take my word for it, just ask
some of them how much they hate the job. Anyone at a party would stay
away from the lunch lady costume in fear that the person wearing it
is a mean old lady.
Rich Politician
Who's that guy in the suit smoking a cigar and talking like he's something
special? Yeah, the rich politician probably won't give you a good rep
in a halloween party because politics and parties don't mix. That's
why it's ironic that politics are based on a party system. That's not
a party I want to go to. Anytime you bring politics into a real party
with beer it usually means that two idiots will end up rumbling. It
won't bode well for the idiot in the politician outfit when the drunks
come asking for their tax money back.
Rental Cop
Rental cops are some of the most pointless people in the entire world.
They only get jobs where nothing exciting is ever going to happen and
if an emergency did take place, these cops would probably get their
ass beat by some punk. I remember at school a principal broke up a fight
between these two girls. When I went around the corner there was a fat
rental cop laughing his ass off. If you went dressed as a rental cop
people would probably think you were a virgin or something.
Oprah
Afterall, no one likes loud annoying black bitches. Not that it's a
racial thing. No one like loud bitches period, I don't give a shit what
color or race you are.
Garbage Man
Everyone laughs at the garbage man. People would probably poke fun
at you all night asking where your truck is and shit. Than they would
ask you to take out the garbage at the end of the party and that's just
plain gay. The point of being at the party is to leave without cleaning
up. That's why you should go as a...
State Worker
State workers wouldn't be asked to clean up after a party. They probably
figure that you're just so used to standing around that you don't know
how to actually work. My brothers girlfriend works for the state and
I found that the people that actually do the work are independent contractors.
The state workers just wave flags and lean on shovels. This wouldn't
be a very popular attire at a party.
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