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Ever since man evolved from a bunch of idiots hitting things with sticks
into a group of sophisticated beings there have been a number of awesome
inventions over the years. These items help us achieve a greater quality
of living and make being a man freaking awesome. So here is the listing
of the 10 greatest inventions ever known to man and some history on
its inventors.
10 - The toilet
In 1738 a man by the name of J. F. Brondel, initials most likely stand
for Just Fucking, invented the first ever valve flush toilet. Ever since
the toilet has become more than just a place you go to take a shit.
It has become a sort of comfort zone and a place where you can go to
just relax as you let out all of your wastes. Not only has the toilet
become a great place to crap, but it's also the birth place of some
of the worlds greatest ideas. Lincoln wrote his famous Gettysburg Address
on the toilet, Einstein came up with the idea for the Atomic Bomb while
letting go a monster shit, and word even has it that Maddox finished
off his "I'm better than your kids" article while giving a
courtesy flush. While all that is rumor one can't deny that the toilet
has been a great addition to society as we know it.
9 - Beer
Contrary to popular belief, the Egyptians were not the inventors of
beer. They learned all of their brewing skills from the Sumerians, Babylonian,
and Assyrians. These were the inventors of the first form of brewing.
Beer has been a corner stone in mankind ever since it's invention way
back(I'll say way back since I don't feel like looking up the date).
Beer used to be used as a sign of power and wealth in Egypt, but we
here in America just know it as a sign of an easy way to get some action.
Beers most common uses are: getting friends to do stupid things, getting
in the pants of stupid hot blond girls, getting rid of your problems,
and being cool. Beer has become known as the safe drug to many and lots
of people chug this shit on college campuses all around the world.
8 - Beef Jerky
While I couldn't find any information on the inventor of Beef Jerky
I am sure whomever it was really kicked a lot of ass. It's been around
since the beginning of mankind so I would guess that someone from a
barbarian clan came up with this treat. Jerky is the food that one could
eat 24/7 and never get tired of beef jerky. One time in school the teacher
asked this question, "If your home was on fire and you could only
save 3 things what would they be?" My answer was "Beef Jerky."
When they asked why I wouldn't save anything else such as pictures or
things of family value I figured why would you want to waste perfectly
good beef jerky because you wanted to save a few pictures of you playing
with blocks? Beef jerky has not only been a great food over the centuries,
but it has also been the force behind a number of great things. For
example I eat it all the time when I'm typing out the latest article
on my site and I heard that Chuck Norris even eats it when he's straight
kicking people in the mouth. Although that's just rumor, who knows if
it's actually true.
7 - The Epic Zone
Back in the year 2004 a man going by the name of the Epic layed out
the first couple pages in a shitty, and I use the word shitty lightly,
forum known as the Club Epic Forums. I figured since Jenna Jameson could
have Club Jenna why couldn't I have Club Epic? After that idea went
down quicker than a drunk blond onto a peter I decided to take my ideas
somewhere other than a forum. So I threw some shit onto an HTML page,
if you knew the old page it really did look like a pile of shit, and
named it lovingly the Epic Zone. After getting some exposure the site
moved to a .com where it currently influences the thousands and thousands
of daily visitors that it gets. (SOURCE: My Ass)
6 - Telephone
Most people know that Alexander Graham Bell created the worlds first
telephone in 1876, but most people don't appreciate what he has given
the world. Before 1876 when someone wanted to order a Pizza they had
to drive their ass the whole way down to the store and than wait for
it to be done unless they felt like going back and forth again while
it was made. Now someone can call it in and give directions so the delivery
guy can miss your house anyway and some other asshat gets your pizza.
Not only has the telephone made pizza ordering easier, there's a huge
list of things you can do with the phone. You can act rude to people
and not even have to see them, you can prank call people you don't like,
and you can make terroristic threats to someone because you think they
are fat. Think about it, what was there before prank calls? Before the
phone you had to go the whole way over there and play ding dong ditch.
That may be fun, but it takes too much energy. Bell actually used the
telephone as a prank for the first time. He uttered the words "
Mr. Watson come here I need to see you." So when Watson came over
Bell punched him in the nuts and said "Got ya." In today's
world the phone is used all the time to: provide phone sex for those
who can't get any, make pranks easy, and to less the driving skills
of jackasses that talk while driving.
5 - Free Porn Sites
There was a time in this world where the internet was a small space.
There was no Epic Zone, there was no College Humor, or any site similar
to it. The internet was basically a few small things, Maddox, a few
search engines, and a bunch of free porn sites. In fact the explosion
of popularity is mainly because of these porn sites that offered a free
load of nude women getting loads blown on their faces. People wanted
to see more so the internet grew in popularity. Of course not all people
liked this entertainment so there were some other types of sites made
for them, but Free Porn sites have always been and always will be the
driving force behind the popularity of the internet. People love their
free porn and these great inventions were able to deliver it right to
their computer screen free of charge. Now ad free... that's a whole
different story.
4 - Taco Bell
One day back in the early 1960s a man said to himself "What if
I would take the lowest quality meats and stick them in a shell with
lettuce and cheese?" Well today we know the answer to that question,
you would get the best damn fast food tacos on the planet. People always
tell me that Taco Bell is crappy and their food is really low quality,
but after working at a McDonalds I don't really care because from personal
experience I can tell you that no fast food chain is clean, quality,
or great by any standards. So I say to hell with it, I enjoy eating
those low quality tacos with their shitty meat and it's awesome. Some
of their food is so good that I have been sitting inside eating and
have seen women have orgasms while munching down a Mexican Pizza. Sure
some of you might disagree and think that Taco Bell sucks, but that's
only because you are racist against Mexicans. Taco Bell is one of the
greatest inventions ever known to mankind in my book and I will stick
to that.
3 - Skirts
While some may argue that low grade tacos shouldn't be on the list
here's something I think we can all agree on. Skirts are so freaking
awesome that I write articles on them all the time. I have made 2 previous
articles talking about how awesome they are. Although I don't know who
invented skirts I do know this: they are usually really short, they
are nice, and can be blown up by wind. Not only that, but most women
don't even wear panties when they have skirts on which makes things
even better for mankind. Sure there are some women that might find this
offensive, but honestly I said the greatest inventions of mankind and
that means their opinion don't matter anyway. Skirts have been the eye
candy that gets men through their days for decades and it will continue
to be until the end of time.
2 - Television
John Logie Baird invented the tv for one reason, to make his nude girlfriend
appear on the screen so all of his friends could see how hot she was.
Since then the tv has become a huge item for advertising, entertainment,
and PPV porn flicks. Without the tv there would be no Family Guy, no
video games, and worst of all there would be no place to watch hockey
other than going down to the arena. This is something that just can
not happen and thanks to this great man we don't have to live in a world
that is faced with life without entertainment.
1 - Blow Jobs
This really is the greatest thing in the world. I sure would like to
know the first ever slut that decided to put some guys dick into her
mouth. Although she was probably beaten and hung for being a slut back
in the day she was most certainly the pioneer of one of the greatest
forms of pleasure in the whole world. Blow jobs are so kick ass that
if I worked as a CEO for a major company I would have my own personal
assistant to provide blow jobs on an hourly basis in order to clear
my mind for better thinking. Seriously, there is nothing that sets your
mind at ease like a blowjob. Some of the greatest things that have come
from blowjobs include: other various sex positions, the Empire State
Building, the 1998 Vikings team(they only just now got caught last season),
and of course the idea that it's alright to blow loads on girls faces.
Blowjobs have been a cornerstone in mankind and are always going to
be remembered as the woman's quick way to a promotion.
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