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You've been hearing it all of your life, honesty is the best policy.
People say that lying gets you no where in life, your parents tell you
that punishments will be less harsh if you tell the truth, and your
girlfriends tell you that you shouldn't lie to them ever. So I decided
I would put this to the test in a one on one competition between honesty
and lies. Both competitors have been working really hard to get in shape
for this battle. So here's how things are going to work out: I'm going
to give a scenario, than I will give the results of what would happen
if the truth was used and what would happen if a lie was used. First
to score 10 points is the winner.
Scenario 1: You're eating out at a fancy restraunt with your girlfriend,
but the waitress has a really cute ass. So you do what any red blooded
man would do, check it out for a second. Your girlfriend asks you what
you're looking at and wonders why you don't find her story about shopping
very interesting.
Truth: You tell her you were looking at the waitresses ass. She flips
on you in front of everyone and than makes you look like some perverted
physco in front of the entire group.
Lie: You say "My this is a nice place" and go back to pretending
to care about the shopping story. Later that night you go home and get
laid.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 1 Truth: 0
Scenario 2: You see a drug deal going down. You know it would be a
good idea to tell someone. Later on a cop comes through and asks if
you've seen any suspicious activities.
Truth: Tell on the dealers. A few of them get busted, but as with any
drug deals not all of them are caught. A few weeks later you get your
throat slit while whacking it in the shower.
Lie: You tell him no. A few people OD on heroine and the world is a
little cleaner without the druggies in it.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 2 Truth: 0
Scenario 3: Your mom finds pot under your bed. You know it's yours,
but you really don't feel like getting an ass whooping.
Truth: Your parents are too pussy to hit you so they send you through
the torture of 2 days of being grounded aka playing video games and
watching tv while pretending to feel sorry for yourself.
Lie: You blame your friend Jim. Your parents call Jim's parents and
Jim's dad beats the shit out of him. All while you have the satisfaction
of knowing you're the reason it happened.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 3 Truth: 0
Scenario 4: At work one of the customers is being a real dick head.
So you do what any normal McDonalds employee does with a dick head,
put a pube in his burger. The manager comes to you covered in a double
cheeseburger because you put a pube in it. He asks if you did it.
Truth: You're fired and get the shit beat out of you.
Lie: Your co-worker is fired and gets the shit beat out of him.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 4 Truth: 0
Scenario 5: You are the witness of some hot woman's rape. A homeless
man is at fault. You are a witness at the crime scene and the cops want
you to talk.
Truth: You get the homeless man arrested so he can get ass raped himself.
The waitress is so happy and you wind up being a hero on the news and
getting laid at the same time.
Lie: Some homeless guy got hotter action than you and is still on the
streets.
Winner: Truth
Lie: 4 Truth: 1
Scenario 6:Your girlfriend is trying on swimsuits at the mall. She
asks the age old question, "Do I look fat?"
Truth: In your case the true answer would probably be yes. Also in
your case you would not have a girlfriend anymore.
Lie: You end up getting some action because you made her feel good
about herself. Good job.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 5 Truth: 1
Scenario 7: You're selling your old car, while it's a nice car it still
needs some minor work. By minor work I mean that the brakes stop about
like your feet would. So an elderly lady came by to look at your car.
She asks if there is anything wrong with it.
Truth: Nice, now you lost a customer and saved an old lady's life.
Lie: She buys the car and ends up on the 6 o clock news in a river
somewhere. Either way you still end up with the money you made from
selling the car. Not only that, but there's one less old person to drive
30 MPH on the road.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 6 Truth: 1
Scenario 8: You're watching football with your friends. Your friend
asks you if you have any Beef Jerky. Even though you do you would like
it for yourself.
Truth: Your friend eats your beef jerky, farts in your face, and then
bangs your wife for added kicks.
Lie: You get a shit load more beef jerky for yourself.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 7 Truth: 1
Scenario 9: You are on a golf outing with your boss. His golf game
sucks more than my job and in that case he's better off just playing
with himself in the clubhouse. He asks you how his game was.
Truth: You tell him he sucks and then you work the shittiest shifts
for the rest of your life at the company. After that he sabotages all
future job attempts and pours salt in your coffee every morning to piss
you off.
Lie: Hope you enjoy the nice Vice President office you brown noser.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 8 Truth: 1
Scenario 10: There's some kids by your van. So you do what any person
does when there's kids near their van; offer them free candy. They ask
you if your serious, but the only candy you have is in your pants.
Truth: The kid runs away and tells his/her mommy. Believe me, this
leads to trouble.
Lie: You are a pedophile, but hey at least you're getting head in some
way, shape, or form.
Winner: Lie
Lie: 9 Truth: 1
Scenario 11: You are in a department store and find a lost wallet on
the floor. To your surprise some dumb ass was carrying $500 with him.
Someone comes to you asking for the wallet.
Truth: You get a pat on the back and a jolly good feeling while people
think of you as the nice guy.
Lie: Get some singles cause you're going to the titty bar and it's
on your...er the other guys tab. You feel bad for a while, but the fake
DDs waving in your face make you forget all about it real quick.
Winner: Lie
Lie 10 Truth: 1
Overall Winner: Lie
So there you have it. Lying can get you so many places in life and
overall it is the best policy in most situations.
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