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Alright, there seems to be
a common problem within the world with the concept of walking. I understand
this might be a tough thing to grasp, I'm sure you've said to
your friends, "Hey man, walking is easy to do.", only to end
up violating some of the more basic rules of walking. I understand this
may seem difficult to some of you, but believe me, it can be done. Here's
some tips to remember for better walking skills.
Tip 1: Look
Ok, it's very important for you to look when you're walking. The reason
for this is so you can see where you are going. Look at it this way,
it's ok to drive blindfolded if you're able to do so, but if not than
please just keep to paying attention where you're going. Failure to
do so could result in being hit by a car, walking into the ugliest person
on the planet, or death.
Tip 2: Walk to the right
Yes folks, everyone else is walking to the right because it's the proper
thing to do. Walking on the left side is only for those who are coming
towards you and the homeless. If you do find yourself walking to the
left when someone is walking towards you on their right it is important
for YOU to move over to the right since you are not following the rules
of the sidewalk. Failure to do so could lead to walking into a fat sweaty
guy, getting your boob grabbed by a perv walking into you (Hot Girls
Only), and/or herpes.
Tip 3: Keep a consitent pace
I see folks all the time slowing down when talking on the phone, doing
something else, knitting, etc. Look, if you can't do these things and
keep walking at an even consistent pace than you shouldn't be walking
at all. Failure to do so could result in being given a flat tire, uncomfortable
accidental ass grabs, and vomiting.
Tip 4: Do not make sudden stops
If you see your friend coming the other way it's important to NOT suddenly
stop, act all surprised to see that person in an area they probably
always frequent, and piss people behind you off. This type of sudden
action could cause non-lookers, ugly people, and pervs to bump into
the back of you giving them the chance to grab your ass or knock you
down.
Tip 5: Bathe
It's important to respect those around you, even the liberals, so practice
healthy hygiene in order to better suit those around you. Also make
sure to not apply too much perfume as this can mix with other scents
in the air and smell like ass. This really won't help you walk any better,
but it can prevent others from walking on the other side of the sidewalk
or walking too fast to get away from you. Failure to do so can result
in odd looks from old people, people walking into others in order to
get away from you, and irreversible virginity.
Tip 6: No flailing arms
Please keep your arms and hands in a controlled region in your own
personal space. Over flailing of the arms and hands may result in tapping
a homeless person by mistake, getting the people in front of you angry,
and crabs.
Tip 7: No walking in a horizontal line.
For morons out there. ----------------- <----(Horizontal line).
For example, you should never walk along side all of your friends in
a large area if you're in a group of 3 or more. This will anger those
behind you because usually groups also fail to look, bathe, or keep
a consistent pace. Walking in a large line is a common problem with
fat teenage women and can generally take up too much room in a tight
space.
With these 7 tips I hope you can learn how to walk and not piss me
off.
Thank you.
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